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im sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said adam and eve not matthew and ashley. come back when you’ve legally changed your names
88,491 notes (via failstun & gothlolita)
one time when i was 6 my mom caught me trying to eat pure sugar out of the container so she stopped and said “Would you like to have something even sweeter?” and of course little naive 6 year old me said yes yes i would so she said “smell it first and then decide” and handed me a bottle of straight vanilla extract and of course it smelled like the tears of jesus so i said YES give me and she let me take a huge swig and this is why i have trust issues
me as a parent
121,445 notes (via teaandcrumpets & pie-burgers-demonblood)
ugh you’re so cute I just want to put my lips on yours
43 notes (via teaandcrumpets & mermaidsinmytea)
76,183 notes (via teaandcrumpets & glinted)
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
109,538 notes (via failstun & really-shit)
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