gothlolita:

im sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said adam and eve not matthew and ashley. come back when you’ve legally changed your names

anotherdoctorwhofangirl:

one time when i was 6 my mom caught me trying to eat pure sugar out of the container so she stopped and said “Would you like to have something even sweeter?” and of course little naive 6 year old me said yes yes i would so she said “smell it first and then decide” and handed me a bottle of straight vanilla extract and of course it smelled like the tears of jesus so i said YES give me and she let me take a huge swig and this is why i have trust issues

me as a parent

(Source: pie-burgers-demonblood)

mermaidsinmytea:

ugh you’re so cute I just want to put my lips on yours

really-shit:

If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.